Sleepytime Regrets Ch.1

It never fails that in the moments immediately before I slip into the tender embrace of sleep, my mind relives every single moment that has ever brought me shame in my entire life.

Though I have a unfortunately large deck of regrets to select from, a few favorites always seem to find their way to the top.  In honor of these, I've decided to start a little mini-series of sorts which will highlight my very favorite regrets.

The first installment of this series is one afternoon when I gave my sister an injury that is usually reserved for football O-linemen.

Sleepytime Regrets

Chapter One:  Walking On Air

One day a half decade ago, when our parents were away at work or doing errands or something, my sister and I were left to our own devices.  I was bored and decided that annoying my sister would be a good way to spend my time, especially now that the sherrifs were out of town.

I followed her around doing various boy things like flicking her in the back of the ears and mimicking her pleas for me to stop in a nasal voice.  This quickly devolved into me simply chasing her around the house.

At some point I got tired of running around so I grabbed at her feet in a dramatic dive that sent me sliding across the floor.   My belt buckle created a large, ugly scar in the hardwood.

I managed to somehow ensnare one of her legs and I held her captive by a single ankle.  She started to squirm and kick me with the other foot, so I grabbed it too.

She asked exasperatedly that I please just let her go so she could go play with her Polly Pocket or whatever.  I said nothing, but just kept holding on.  I was quite pleased with myself.

She started taking little-bitty baby steps which I found very hard to stop.  She started dragging me forward.

I felt immasculated.  "I'm a boy and strong and older!  I should be able to hold her!"  But I couldn't; she was literally dragging me across the floor.

I don't know what particular lobe of my brain thought that this would be a good idea, but the words "you should try lifting her feet" popped into my head.

So I did.

My sister hit the ground so hard a painting came loose from the wall.  And she didn't hit the ground just with her knees or butt or something.  It was upper body smashed fully into the floor.

She lied motionless for a few terrifying moments.  Then she stirred groggily.

"Oh, gosh.  My shoulder really hurts."  She muttered, rolling over.

Two physical therapists later, we discover that my sister has a dislocated collar bone.  We had to go to the second physical therapist because the first one only specialized in mundane family-type injuries, not gruesome, professional-sports-career-ending manglings.

It turns out a collar bone can dislocate in two directions:  out into the skin, or inward into the heart which can punch a hole in one of the chambers.  So, needless to say, I shit my pants when the doctor revealed that little tidbit.  I had almost killed my sister in the dumbest way possible.

When my sister lifts her arm up to wave at someone or do anything, her collar bone cracks.  It might as well be hissing venemously:  How dare you do this to your sister!  She trusted you and you gave her a football injury!  She could have died!

It's a miracle my brain lets me get any sleep.

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Please comment and follow!  Feel free to share any grisly injuries you've given your siblings.