Despite this, Hawaii was
beautiful and stuffed to the gills with things to do. We didn’t get to see even half of what the
islands offered and I would go back in a second, if not just to spitefully
worsen my own cognitive dissonance.
One particular evening that
sticks out in my mind is the night we visited Nuuanu Pali Lookout.
Nuuanu Pali Lookout is a
cliff on Oahu which overlooks a huge section of the island. From the lookout you can see not only the
sprawling beauty and sheer majesty of nature but also expanses of angular gray
objects made by humans who said “that’s a really beautiful waterfall, but you
know, we could really use an additional parking lot for the casino.”
The lookout is positioned at
the vertex of a V-shaped mountain range which funnels and intensifies winds coming
in from the North-East. This turns
Nuuanu Pali Lookout into a sort of natural wind tunnel. The winds here usually
hover around 45mph but can spike to upwards of 80mph. Scientists have attributed the high volume
and speed of the winds as yet another example of something wanting to get the
hell away from Canada.
Our rental car groaned with
exertion as we drove up the steep, winding passage to get to the lookout. When we mercifully arrived at the lot at the
top of the mountain, the car dry-heaved and stalled.
“Well that was good
timing.” My father chuckled as the car
sat, silently weeping below him.
I jumped out of the car,
excited to be reminded of what wind felt like. I ran back and forth oscillating between 25
feet and 5 feet in front of my family as they walked leisurely to the lookout.
When we got there, it was
pretty damn windy.
45mph doesn’t seem that fast
when you’re driving a Hummer through a School Zone, but getting slapped in the
face with air going that speed really puts it in perspective.
It wasn’t so bad just
standing a little ways in from the edge, but if you leaned over the concrete
balcony, the wind felt like it was trying to rip thoughts out of your head. There were two tiers of concrete balconies to
allow more people to experience the full force of the wind.
A plaque nearby informed that
the concrete balconies had been installed because too many people had tried to
lean over the cliff’s edge to let the wind hold them up against gravity. The plaque went on to say that, while this
anti-gravity stunt was possible, the wind speed was variable at best and that
rapid drops in velocity had led many daredevils to their demise.
I was intrigued.
Clearly I wasn’t going to try
to lean over the edge; I was too much of a pussy for that. But I did want to see wind besting gravity.
I looked around for things to
toss over the edge of the cliff. I
picked up a little rock and threw it over the edge. I couldn’t see where it went. I tried tossing a few more over, but I kept
losing them against the scenery below.
Then I saw a weed growing up
from a crack in the concrete platform by my feet. I bent over and plucked it from the
ground. Dirt clung to the roots as I
held it up in front of me.
I tossed it over the edge.
The weed fell a foot or two
before slowly coming to a halt. It hovered
in midair for a moment before a sudden burst of wind shot it violently upward
into the air over my head.
That was awesome. I started frantically pulling up all the
weeds I could find and hurling them over the edge.
I could tell that the plaque
was right about the varying wind speed.
Some of the weeds would shoot up into the air like a patriot missile
while others would simply float lazily back toward me. I was experimenting with varying amounts of
dirt on the roots when a guy walked up to me and asked what I was doing.
“Oh, check this out.” I said to him as I flung the weed I was
holding over the edge.
The weed disappeared over the
edge of the balcony. A bit later it
slowly crept back up into view like Aladdin does right before he shows Jasmine
he has a magic carpet. It was drifting
back toward us when it suddenly diverted its path and rushed toward a woman
standing off to our left.
She looked up right as it was
about to hit her chin.
“Oh what the ffff…” The woman made a sound like a deflating
balloon as the dirt clod exploded on her face.
Dirt went into her open mouth and down her blouse. She spun in a circle while swearing and
shaking out her clothes.
“Oh, gosh, I’m really sorry.” I said.
The man ran over to the
woman. “Honey, are you okay?” She said nothing but glared up at me.
Oh shit, these two are together.
“I’m very sorry,” I repeated.
“I didn’t mean to do that, I was just showing…” Her venomous stare cut me off. I stammered a few unintelligible things and
then slinked away while her husband tried to get the dirt out of her ears.
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This story isn't even over! Find the rest here: PART TWO!
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